The Age of Rebellion

I am tired, so drained by school. Today I felt so tired like never before, and after dinner just now this wave of exhaustion just overcame me, lulling me to sleep. Only a phonecall broke my dreams and brought me back to this harsh reality that there is still work to be done, and that it is far from over, and that I must still face that same cycle of anger and impatience.

It has progressed so far I can hardly spend an evening where the anger does not break forth from some slight irritation, even a questioning of the actions. You are stuck in that age of rebellion, where the world seems yours by right, and woe to them that stand in your path. Each day I pray for renewed patience, and for the light to clear the scales from your eyes that sometimes see, but all too often shut themselves in self-righteous indignation. All too often I find myself wondering how that person or this could pass Sunday after Sunday not realising anything, when I realise that such self-delusion begins here, with me, with you. I try not to judge, but each time I end up passing verdict, because I cannot but help.

I want to spend just one day at home, free from the calls of school upon my life, resting, and then studying at leisure. This week started out fine, but as it progressed I realised the competing pressures of school and revision are beginning to overwhelm the latter. I fall short of my goals because of this tiredness that sends me to sleep, yet I am forced back to school again and again, which will tire me further. I understand now why so many people just stay at home and study. The days are increasingly useless. But I will never get anywhere with parents for whom skipping school does not exist in their vocabulary. And I suppose that after all, there must be people out there who attend school without fail and still do well. Let's all hope towards the latter.